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Autopilot

Open your eyes to what is in front of you.
A funny thing happened to me this week. I was getting off the train, coming home from work and walking towards my blue minivan like I do every afternoon.
Saw the van. Walked towards the van. Double clicked on my key to open the door and stepped in.
Except, I stepped into someone else’s blue minivan, and what was even crazier, I hadn’t taken the minivan to the station that morning, I had taken the other car.
I was in my head, coming out of the station, not feeling, not seeing, not really thinking. Walking in autopilot, repeating the same actions, doing the same thing that I do every day.
I was oblivious.
Completely unaware of what I was actually doing, blind, somewhere else.
Definitely not present.
Aside from being very embarrassing, I realized that is some areas of my life, I am in autopilot.
My eyes are wide open, but they might as well be closed, for all that I am seeing and not seeing.
Walking around, doing what I do, going through the motions, without questioning, feeling, experiencing.
To the point where sometimes I find myself in places, not because I want to be there but because that is where my feet have taken me – out of habit, because sometimes it is easier to do what I have always done, rather than doing something new.
This troubles me. I am only here for a short time, why waste my time here in comfortable autopilot mode taking the road well travelled. Doing what I do because it feels safe, comfortable, less risky.
What is possible if I step out of that comfort zone, take the road less travelled, start to question myself and then decide if it is the path I want to stay on:
Why am I here?
Why am I doing this?
Why did I choose this?
And I may choose to stay on that path – but it will be a deliberate choice I make, and not because it is the easy or safe route.
One thing is for sure, I will have my eyes wide open next time I get off the train and look for my car

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