Sometimes I make poor choices. I would like to say that I don’t know I am doing it, that I only see it in hindsight.
But I would be lying.
I will be doing something that I think is not a good idea, and yet I do it anyway or I will choose not to do something that is really what I should be doing.
What I eat (and don’t eat)
What I drink (and don’t drink)
What I do (and don’t do)
Take the other night. What I didn’t do is go to bed early to catch up on some sleep and start the next day with a long anticipated bike ride.
What I did instead is stay up too late, drank some wine, played cards and enjoyed time with my family on a lovely summer night.
Seems innocent enough, and it would be except that I spend the next morning beating myself about making the “wrong” choice, and regretting that I didn’t do what I think should have done.
It is complicated.
Could it be that I am expecting too much of myself, that I am holding myself to a standard that even I cannot live up to?
Problem is that I want it all – and I can’t have it all, and I am not willing to make sacrifices. And then I feel like I have failed.
What if instead of regretting the choices I make and don’t make – I accept my decisions for what they are and what they are not?
What if instead of focusing on what I think I should have done, I focus on what I did do – and be ok with that?
Instead of making myself wrong, I could choose to make myself right – and not as a comparison to others, but as I am.
Changing my perspective, the way I look to myself, the way I talk to myself.
Where else in my life am I choosing to make myself wrong?